The Original Megaman Series Supercondensed
by Revokov
Summary: I'm at it again. This one deals with the whole original series, and it's just about as screwy as the X ones. (With apologies to Seanbaby) If you liked these, check my supercondensed X series.


**MEGAMAN SERIES SUPERCONDENSED**

_The FUTURE comes, and thus the world GETS SMART. Two SCIENTISTS named LIGHT and WILY get together and start NERDING ALL OVER THE PLACE, and the result is BLUES, the first of the WE-CAN-THINK ROBOTS._

**Dr. Light**

"Someday, Blues, you might become a _real boy_!"

_Blues DOES, at least in a MANNER OF SPEAKING, and thus decides to BREAK ALL THE RULES and RUN AWAY FROM HOME like the teenager he IS. Light and Wily make ANOTHER robot named ROCK._

**Dr. Light**

"…Is there an ulterior motive behind your designing a really feminine voice box?"

**Dr. Wily**

_(Quickly)_ No.

_They make MORE ROBOTS including ROLL and A BUNCH OF OTHER DUDES who are known as ROBOT **MASTERS** perhaps because they BEAT UP OTHER ROBOTS and steal their LUNCH MONEY. Unfortunately for WILY, Light gets all the RECOGNITION, but he is not CONCEITED or anything._

**Dr. Light**

_(Singing)_ "I am so great! I am so great!"

**Dr. Wily**

"Yeah, but you know what would make things interesting is, if I went insane." _(He does)_

_Wily STEALS ALL THE ROBOT MASTERS, because he is a big wrinkled JERK. He REPROGRAMS them and SETS THEM LOOSE._

**Dr. Light**

"ono teh monsterz!"

_Light UPGRADES Rock into MEGAMAN and even makes him a DOG._

**Rush**

"Rrrowdy Regaran!"

**Megaman**

"Rush puts too much emphasis on his Rs, and you have none whatsoever."

**Dr. Light**

"Don't patwonize me."

_Megaman RUNS and falls onto SPIKES and BLOWS UP._

**Dr. Light**

_(Lumberg) _"All right, we're gonna need you to maybe not touch those, mmkay?"

_Megaman GAINS WISDOM as well as NEW ASS KICKING POTENTIAL as he beats the ROBOT MASTERS. Eventually he confronts and defeats WILY._

**Megaman**

"Justice is served!"

**Dr. Wily**

"Hehehe, you sound like a _girl_! WAAHAHAHAHAAA! I _win_! I _so _win!"

_Wily ESCAPES while Megaman is FUMING. He PULLS THE SAME SHIT AGAIN, but Light STILL TRUSTS HIM. They build a SUPER GIANT ROBOT NAMED GAMMA._

**Seanbaby**

"He saves children!"

_Wily GIVES LIGHT A WET WILLY and STEALS GAMMA. Megaman BLOWS IT TO HELL and Wily runs like a GIRL. Then all of a sudden the COLD WAR starts again when this RUSSKIE NAMED COSSACK gets a STICK up his EXPLETIVE DELETED and decides to 0WN J00._

**Dr. Cossack**

"Come on. My name is COSSACK. How long did you think it would be before someone in my family line went batshit? Society DESERVES this one."

_ Around this time BLUES comes back home, only he's PROTOMAN now._

**Protoman**

"Look, I'm really sorry about running away and betraying your trust. You taught me everything I ever knew, and—"

**Dr. Light**

"You're out of money, aren't you? Shut up and go help your brother."

_With Protoman's help, Megaman DEACTIVATES THE BADDIES and SMASHES COSSACK'S BALL._

**Dr. Cossack**

"Did you HAVE to say it like that?"

_Suddenly PROTOMAN shows up with this CHICK._

**Kalinka**

"My name is Kalinka Cossack. You killed my father. Prepare to die."

_Fortunately COSSACK SURVIVES, averting a POTENTIALLY MAJOR LAWSUIT. Megaman chases after WILY, who was behind it all, that WASCALLY WABBIT! But Wily TURNS HIS BAG OF HOLDING INSIDE OUT and ESCAPES. Then all of a sudden Protoman KIDNAPS DR. LIGHT!_

**Protoman**

_(Ranting)_"Clean your room, be in bed before 10, do all your homework, no loud music, no chicks with nose rings, _ENOUGH DAD! I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE! RAAAGH!"_

_Megaman chases his EVIL BROTHER down, only it's NOT his brother, it's SOME WANKER NAMED DARKMAN._

**Darkman**

"I'm not even all that dark!"

_After all that GARBAGE, Megaman chases after WILY, who's STILL GIGGLING ABOUT MEGAMAN'S GIRL VOICE. They FIGHT, but Megaman PUSHES THE OFF BUTTON ON WILY'S WAR MACHINE._

**Dr. Wily**

"You know, I honestly hadn't thought of that possibility."

_ Some time LATER, this guy called MR. X hosts a ROBOT COMPETITION involving EIGHT EXTREMELY POWERFUL ROBOTS with WORLD DOMINATION POTENTIAL sponsored by a guy who's name involves THE MOST OMINOUS LETTER IN THE ALPHABET and ABSOLUTELY NO ONE thinks this might possibly be a BAD IDEA._

**World**

"It's not like there were five previous incidents or anything. After all, the first incident only had SIX evil robots."

_The World is SMUG in its beliefs, but then Mr. X KICKS THE WORLD IN THE NUTS and STEALS all the robots._

**Mr. X.**

"Fly, my pretties!"

_The SUPER ROBOTS get SHIT FACED DRUNK and begin PARTYING with LETHAL WEAPONS. Suddenly Megaman realizes that Rush is USELESS._

**Rush**

"Roggy ront rood!"

_Megaman thus has Light UPGRADE Rush so he can become a POWER SUIT._

**Megaman**

"Look at me! I'm wearing my dog!"

_Megaman DEFEATS the robots and CONFRONTS MR. X, who REMOVES THE MOLE ON HIS FOREHEAD._

**Megaman**

"OMG ITS WILEE!"

_Wily MAKES FUN OF MEGAMAN'S VOICE AGAIN, but Megaman BUSTS HIM UP. This time there is NO ESCAPE._

**Megaman**

"Book 'im, Dan-O."

_There IS NO DAN-O, so Megaman DOES IT HIMSELF. After a year or so these FOUR ROBOTS wake up and use their MORNING BREATH to KILL ALL THE PRISON GUARDS._

**Dr. Wily**

"Admit it, you never saw that coming."

_Megaman goes to DEMOLISH the four robots, and is aided this time by BASS, who's name he PRONOUNCES WRONG ALL THE TIME. Eventually Bass gets TIRED OF THIS ABUSE and RAVAGES THE HELL out of Light's lab, stealing SOOPER DOOPER FILES. Megaman destroys the OTHER ROBOTS and goes to WILY'S FORTRESS where Bass meets him with SOOPER DOOPER UPGRADES._

**Bass**

"Now _I'm _wearing _my _dog!"

_Set against the tune of that old song "Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better", which seems VERY INAPPROPRIATE for a battle scene, Bass and Megaman FIGHT. Megaman WINS, but Bass is a SORE LOSER, and utters the FIRST CURSE WORD IN MEGAMAN HISTORY._

**Bass**

"And there's plenty more where that came from!"

_Megaman goes and FIGHTS WILY, who continues to make fun of his GIRL VOICE. Finally Megaman goes HAYWIRE._

**Megaman**

"ENOUGH WITH THE VOICE THING! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! DIE N00B!"

_But BASS shows up out of THIN AIR just because he CAN and attacks Megaman with PROVERBS, which PARALYZES him long enough for the evildoers to ESCAPE. The world is happy for a little while, and then this ASTEROID just goes and HITS EARTH like it OWNS THE PLACE. Megaman goes to look and finds STRANGE ENERGY ORBS which WILY PROMPTLY STEALS._

**Dr. Wily**

"A sparkly!!! I've always wanted a _sparkly_!!!"

_Megaman faces off against the EVIL ENERGY, which has got to be the LAMEST NAME in all of VIDEOGAME HISTORY, or at least CAPCOM'S. Along the way he gets help from DUO, who is an ALIEN._

**Duo**

"The truth is out there, man."

_Megaman and Duo DESTROY the Evil Energy and fight WILY AND BASS._

**Dr. Wily**

"Megaman! I will destroy you! You, and your little dog, too!"

**Bass**

"Heeey…I like his dog! Francine is a good puppy!"

_Megaman and Bass TEAM UP, which is GOOD, because this robot named KING comes out of FLIPPIN NOWHERE and starts BEING A DICK. After DETHRONING KING, Megaman and Bass suddenly remember that they HATE EACH OTHER._

**Megaman**

"Hey wait, my dog's name isn't…"

**King**

_(Coughs weakly)_ "Yeah…tell me about it."

_At this point SOMETHING UNBELIEVABLY CATASTROPHIC HAPPENS. We know that it is UNBELIEVABLY CATASTROPHIC BECAUSE IT CHANGES THE COURSE OF THE MEGAMAN WORLD FOR ALL ETERNITY. THIS MINDBENDING, ULTRA COOL PLOT TWIST IS SOMETHING THAT WILL BLOW THE MIND OF EVEN THE MOST EXPERIENCED PLOT-MEISTER, AND THAT EVENT IS OF COURSE—_

**Capcom**

"Thank you for playing."


End file.
